Saturday, June 04, 2005
What gives you "Poop Feeling?"
Ok, I know it's a somewhat shocking title, but I think we'll get some good feedback. After all, I know we all get it, and if someone could give me a scientific explaination for why it happens, it will be an educational and worthwhile discussion. Plus, if you can't talk about your bowel movements with family and friends on an open-to-the-public website, where can you talk about it? (Mo, don't answer that.) So here's the deal, certain things make us have to go. In high school for me it was the J-Crew catalog that would come in the mail. Also right before track meets, for obvious reasons. But I feel like I've grown up a lot--now days, well...it's Target. I walk into Target and head straight for the bathroom because if I don't I truly can't enjoy myself. Most of the time places like TJ Maxx have the same effect. My theory is that anything that holds possibility for me makes me have to poop. In fact it has become much worse with pregnancy, assumably because I eat 10 times more often. But even sitting down at the computer to read e-mail, blogs, or my BabyCenter weekly update on my baby's developement--at the drop of a hat--gotta go. Oh, if I could pass on my abilities to Haley or any other 3 year old who is having trouble..."just go," I want to tell them, "It's a beautiful thing!" I am grateful that I'm quick about it though...are you in and out or do you prefer a good roost? Talk amongst yourselves. Come on, don't be shy. What gives you that feeling?
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11 comments:
I forgot some other things: Waking up and thinking about work, thinking about my nameless baby, setting out new merchandise at work, thinking about running, making a sandwich, riding in the car (ok, I'm totally kidding now) but really, maybe I just have irritable bowel syndrome or something.
Silence makes me want to poop...because let's be honest, nothing makes you want to poop less than 2 young children either banging at the door in hysterics because you have locked them out or watching helplessly from the "throne" as Matthew gets into my makeup and Jake just puts in a little hair gel. I used to love that time and now I dread it. I usually roost through either a quick browsing of an entire catalog or a thorough reading of 1/2 a catalog. I think we get the roosting instinct from Dad.
Talking to Abby on the phone. As I walked into University Mall I told her how the smell of the Coldstone always makes me think of her and she transfered her habitual poop feeling that she always got at that spot through the phone to me. I got the pooop feeling just talking to her.
When I turn on the kitchen faucet, Todd gets the poop feeling...force of habit from when it was his turn to do the dishes and "he had to go to the bathroom first". With any luck, he'd be in there so long, the dishes would be done by the time he got out.
I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned yet... bookstores, libraries...HELLO, PEOPLE! Any building filled with rows of books sends poop messages to my brain and bowels. It does the same to Henry, funny enough. That and Target. He was practically potty trained at the Sherwood Target, no joke. But the book thing... Must be genetic - again from the PKO gene pool. Speaking of pools... I need to go drop the kids off...
pools (but not the ocean for some reason), book stores, cd stores, and any other time it is inconvienient my body will say, oo, you think you want to go have fun? oh yeah? oh really? you sure? try THIS on for fun ya pudgy b.... oh, sorry i got kind of carried away...
Okay, I wasn't going to comment on this one--way too undignified for the likes of me...yeah, okay, I admit that Target and Foleys always give me that certain feeling. You all definately get the roosting instinct from your father. He's a rooster, I'm a "quick get this done, I've got more fun things to do" chicken.
Does anyone else feel satisfaction in knowing we got Mo to "stoop" to our level? I'm no rooster, Mother--in and out! I'm all business.
My husband gets that feeling every time we pass a Catholic Church. He is insistent that they possess (hehe, POSSESS) fine high quality and cleanly restrooms sanitized for your protection. Unfortunately for them they also usually have an open door policy on their Church buildings which my husband takes full advantage of.
Does this signify eternal damnation for him? Telestial Kingdom? Or the dreaded Catholic seven levels of Purgatory?
Your topics are fun! Awwww, I WANT to be an Oscarson too! Will you issue me an honorary membership and a place on your Christmas gift list?
The BEST literary contributions ever are as follows:
Everybody Poops- An introduction into digestion and bodily functions for young children.
AND
The Walter The Farting Dog Series, Number three has just been released! They are classics!
I love being a Mom, I can indulge the teenage boy side of my personality without as much guilt and shame.
Elasticwastebandlady,
The book "Everybody Poops" is sitting on the counter in my kids' bathroom at this very moment. A classic, I tell you!
Suzie,
If you thought Everybody Poops was amusing wait until you read Everybody Pees! It has action, intrigue, irreverent humor, and more urinating poorly drawn people than you can shake a stick at. If you only read one book about bodily functions this year, make sure it's Everybody Pees!
*Writer was not compensated for glowing endorsement or ad copy*
http://www.redyak.com/rants/EP/Everybody%20Pees%20Col.pdf
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